Friday, May 27, 2022
Always looking for you
I can't find you
Father please help me
Holy ghost
of Jesus Christ
(and latter day Saints)
I haven't felt this bad in so long.
Every stupid little thing pisses me off an unreasonable amount. Seeing a dead crow on the sidewalk, 4 days in a row.
Seeing a dead cat on the side of the road, 3 days in a row.
I can't stop thinking of you, and you're no one to me now.
We've been done, right? Nothing. Nothing to see here. No utter devastation. No crime scene, no wreckage.
I am really fucking good at being delusional
at being in denial
at telling myself
I don't still love you.
Saturday, May 14, 2022
Thursday, September 29, 2011
The closest yet
I keep thinking of your smile.
It's the prettiest smile I think I have ever seen.
I was so flooded with serotonin and endorphins as soon as we started talking to each other.
I found myself thinking of all the things I wanted to do in life again.
I found myself picturing the time we could share in the future.
You know how reality is often so very far removed from our dreams?
I don't want this to be like that.
I mean, it feels different. I feel different. In my infatuation I might make claims I can't fulfill. I would tell myself things like: I'll move heaven & Earth to be there for you, to provide for you, to make sure you're happy.
All fear subsides, and suddenly I am capable of seeing things in a new light.
I know I'm getting ahead of myself, and I should stop myself from getting carried away.
How can I claim to love her when I've known her for such a short period of time?
How can I hope for her to love me when she knows practically nothing of me or of my troubles & faults?
Everything tells me to ground myself this time so that love's electrical current doesn't burn through my heart this time.
Even with the risk, I can't stop myself from tumbling head over heels for you.
I want to be so much better at everything in my life, and I want to show you how good I am.
I hope I can start to be
starting now.
"When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
When you need directions then I'll be the guide
For all time
For all time"
It's the prettiest smile I think I have ever seen.
I was so flooded with serotonin and endorphins as soon as we started talking to each other.
I found myself thinking of all the things I wanted to do in life again.
I found myself picturing the time we could share in the future.
You know how reality is often so very far removed from our dreams?
I don't want this to be like that.
I mean, it feels different. I feel different. In my infatuation I might make claims I can't fulfill. I would tell myself things like: I'll move heaven & Earth to be there for you, to provide for you, to make sure you're happy.
All fear subsides, and suddenly I am capable of seeing things in a new light.
I know I'm getting ahead of myself, and I should stop myself from getting carried away.
How can I claim to love her when I've known her for such a short period of time?
How can I hope for her to love me when she knows practically nothing of me or of my troubles & faults?
Everything tells me to ground myself this time so that love's electrical current doesn't burn through my heart this time.
Even with the risk, I can't stop myself from tumbling head over heels for you.
I want to be so much better at everything in my life, and I want to show you how good I am.
I hope I can start to be
starting now.
"When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
When you need directions then I'll be the guide
For all time
For all time"
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Obsidian Love Horcrux
Shatter your soul in the name of love everlasting.
Every name -- a shard
splintering what was once pure
until it becomes as jagged as obsidian.
Pour gasoline liberally; set it on fire.
As the icy exterior melts it reveals
a heart of darkness.
Every name -- a shard
splintering what was once pure
until it becomes as jagged as obsidian.
Pour gasoline liberally; set it on fire.
As the icy exterior melts it reveals
a heart of darkness.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Actions speak louder than words do
I don't know where I lost myself
between the insanity of mania
or the devastation of depression
or the pitfalls in between
or the lack of friends, caring, a job, family ties
I'm starting to figure out what I'm doing wrong and I try to correct it
but I feel like I'll never get completely caught up.
I love how people tell you your perspective is the problem.
It's such an empty solution. Well of course you're depressed when you talk like that!
Actually, if you want to ignore the reasons and insert your own... do I need to be here for this diagnosis?
You're an idiot. Keep spreading it around and I'll take heed of your advice right after my lobotomy.
K? Great.
between the insanity of mania
or the devastation of depression
or the pitfalls in between
or the lack of friends, caring, a job, family ties
I'm starting to figure out what I'm doing wrong and I try to correct it
but I feel like I'll never get completely caught up.
I love how people tell you your perspective is the problem.
It's such an empty solution. Well of course you're depressed when you talk like that!
Actually, if you want to ignore the reasons and insert your own... do I need to be here for this diagnosis?
You're an idiot. Keep spreading it around and I'll take heed of your advice right after my lobotomy.
K? Great.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
I am the conscience clear
"You're staring at the sun --
oh, my own voice cannot save me now.
Standing in the sea --
one more breath and then I'll go down.
Your mouth is open wide - the lover is inside
and all the tumult's done - collided with the sun.
You're staring at the sun.
You're standing in the sea.
Your body's over me."
This music makes me want to start channeling Satan in my own, just to see where it takes me.
oh, my own voice cannot save me now.
Standing in the sea --
one more breath and then I'll go down.
Your mouth is open wide - the lover is inside
and all the tumult's done - collided with the sun.
You're staring at the sun.
You're standing in the sea.
Your body's over me."
This music makes me want to start channeling Satan in my own, just to see where it takes me.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Oh tell me, why is this happening?
Should I believe in anything?
- Recently I realized things aren't as bad as they could be.
I also realized that all the new friends in the world won't replace my old ones.
- Recently I realized things aren't as bad as they could be.
I also realized that all the new friends in the world won't replace my old ones.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
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