There are a lot of things wrong...

There are a lot of things that seem to have gone awry
in America
in my beloved and beautiful city of Albuquerque, New Mexico
And even at this moment
Right now
Tonight
This Sunday
April Sixth
And it's 5:03 AM
And it's all happening right now.

What are we going to do about this? What can we do?


If you are normal, you're sleeping -- preparing yourself to wake up for your job or your classes that you have to attend tomorrow. You're active, you're successful.
You just might be everything I am not. And in that same respect, I may be everything you're not.
But even if that's true -- even if you are a polar opposite of me, I am betting we can find some common ground.

There are issues we are facing as a country right now,
and they are complex. They are problems that don't have clearcut answers. They are conflicts of interest with more than two viewpoints vying for the same space in our mind, all competing against each other. The "best" way is now the "hidden" and the "vague" way.

It seems logical then, that the best solution to such problems involves sitting down, and focusing on the issues -- really pick apart the heart of the problem -- and then from there choose the best option that ensures freedom, and ensures the right to life and happiness to everyone involved.

These decisions are more difficult than any of the decisions we've been making in our lives up until this point.
But there are men&women out there who do think logically about these things, and who do make good decisions, and who choose to do the right thing.

Unfortunately, our current leaders seem short-sighted. They seem distracted and occupied. They seem like they couldn't care less what is happening in my world.

When I think about my problems, and how they affect our current President -- I assume he doesn't care enough to help me. I assume he couldn't care any less about me.
And whether or not that's true, the fact I feel that way should provide you with a glimpse into how bleak my outlook is for our country & our way of governing.

And here is the message I have for all of you:
~-This all changed when I heard Barack Obama speak.
This all changed when I saw him on my television.
This all changed when the things he said just made sense.
This all changed for me because I didn't feel like I was being lied to by a politician, for once.

And I can only hope he wins. And I can only vote and be active to hope we realize he can really change things for the better.

And that leads me into questioning -- What really is the problem that is plaguing this country right now?

Are we not trying hard enough to do the right thing? Are we interfering with cultures and religions and areas of the world we know nothing about? Are we involved in the world, but acting like we're better than other countries, and like we have more of a claim to happiness in this life than the people of those other countries do?

I am not sure if I can adequately answer all of those questions right now.
I hope to address them in the coming weeks, and I hope you'll read them.
If not, I want to let you know that I did arrive at a conclusion in my line of questioning.

The single greatest problem we face as Americans --
is that we have an imperfect representation in our governments.
We don't have everyone participating. We don't have everyone voting. We certainly don't have everyone caring about what happens.
And there is something terrible about that, and that is something that needs to change.
There are those people among us who are too lazy to vote, who may in fact be utter wastes of space, even by their own admittance. I certainly feel like I have no place in this world right now, and if you ask me, I would tell you that I feel like a waste of space. I feel like the time and energy put into educating me, and making me a better person - has been wasted.

And that is something I am trying to fix.
Because I know that I have a lot of problems within my life that need fixing.
And I know that there must be a lot more people out there in America
who have problems that need fixing.

These people may have illnesses, these people probably have problems that are bigger than any of the problems you or I ever encountered.
These are complicated situations, that don't always have one correct solution.
They need our help. They need our time. They need our support.
And their cries for help are falling on deaf ears.

There is a sense of 'elitism' that people seem to have developed, and I don't know why, but they wear it like a red badge of courage.

They are proud to be rich, they are cocky, they are insensitive, and they are largely incapable of empathy.

I don't know how it came to this.
I can theorize that the greedy, insensitive, angry, violent, genetically inferior individuals within our society have found strategic survival advantages --
and that those human beings out there that are kind, honest, warm and loving --
are proving to be those that are also weak, vulnerable, and are the people who fall victim to being taken advantage of by other people.

And I start to feel sick. I want to vomit. I want to kill myself.
I want to get this life over and move on to the next one, if there is one.
I'm not even entirely sure if there is one, but I'm willing to be that if there is, it can't be any worse than this. It has to be better than this. It just has to be. Every feeling I've ever had in what I would call my soul has told me that there is something better than this life.


But something about Barack Obama, something about humanity --
tells me that it doesn't have to be like this.


And even though all of these qualities I've mentioned exist in us all, certain traits are surfacing and dominating within our gene pool and within our society --
and I don't think I have to tell you that they're not the kind,honest and loving genes.


Something is sickly wrong with our senses
and our view of the world
and when I sit down and think as hard as I possibly can about why it has to be like this --
I can't find any logical answers.

In a lot of ways, I am more lost in this world than you.
But at the same time, I believe that my experiences have taught me a great deal, and if you're ready to listen, I have a lot to share with you that I hope you'll find interesting.


And meanwhile, while all of this goes on outside my head...
Inside of it, I am living in the shadow of my mind.
I am discovering new reasons to kill myself, new reasons to hate the world, new reasons to be afraid that the apocalypse is coming.
Simultaneously though, I am watching Barack Obama you tube videos, and I am hearing the man speak the truths I know in my heart -- and at the same time I am enamored with politics and in love with expression and freedom.
At the exact same moment in time, I am finding more reasons to keep living. I am finding hope in political leaders, and seeing a better way of doing everything. We can change our lives, and we can live our lives in a better, more fulfilling way.

So I hope you'll join me as I attempt to destroy the parts of myself that I hate while I am constantly assimilating new, better, more efficient qualities that I will end up naming as "my own" attributes,
everyday.

Along the way, I plan to re-examine my childhood, all my life lessons, all my details that I can remember.

I am trying to show people
that there is a better way.
That things -- even though the outlook may look bleak now --
don't have to be so bad.

I hope you'll give me your time, your trust, and your friendship,
because those things are all I have to give to you.

Peace, Love & Harmony,
Kyle (killdistortion) [sin&suffering]